Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Dancing with the what, now?

Sigh. Okay, this semi-annual argument is kind of like shooting fish in a barrel, but here it goes again. Did you ever read the 'stupid news' section of the newspaper? It's where they put unimportant, trivial, ridiculous pieces that make absolutely no sense. That's where they should have released the latest "Dancing With the Stars" lineup. Once again, the word "star" is cheapened more and more to the point that any weight or importance it once carried, is gone.

Here's the list:

Audrina Patridge – "The Hills Hottie"Brandy – "R&B's Platinum Girl"Bristol Palin – "Alaska's Most Famous Daughter"David Hasselhoff – "The Hoff"Florence Henderson – "America's Mom"Jennifer Grey – "The Original Dirty Dancer"Kurt Warner – "The Superbowl Success Story"Kyle Massey – "Disney Channel Dynamo"Margaret Cho – "Comedy's Most Outrageous"Michael Bolton – "The Balladeer" Mike Sorrentino – "The Situation"Rick Fox – "Basketball's Foxiest Champion"

Well...I've never seen "The Hills". Never will, but am positive she's not a "star". Florence Henderson, granted does have Wessonality, but is now amusing for different reasons than she used to be. The Hoff is a punchline in any country not named Germany (although his roast on Comedy Central was friggin' hilarious!). Gun in my mouth I couldn't tell you who Kyle Massey or Rick Fox are. Margaret Cho, Brandy and Michael Bolton...peripheral at best.

And then there's the biggest travesty of the season that makes Kate Gosselin seem as big of a star as Julia Roberts. Bristol Palin. Single mother. Daughter of a politician (not even politician). Teenager. Yup, all of these things, but how could you ever even remotely put her name and the word STAR on the same stupid show promo?

Allow me to demonstrate.
Here's Bristol (holds up hand).
Now here's a "star". (jumps out of window, gets into car and drives across country, holds up hand again).

I'm more willing to buy that it actually wasn't Paris Hilton's coke, then a bogus claim that Bristol Palin is a "star".

So now we've established that there are in fact NO stars on this season. But now it's time to answer the semi-annual question of "who is the CLOSEST thing to a star"? Well, J-Grey has the most movie success, though not in like 20 years, back when she unnecessarily fixed her nose. Athletes don't count. Which leaves us TV.

And the biggest star (tongue placed firmly in cheek) right now is...(drum roll)


GTL baby. All the way to that stupid mirror ball thingy.

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